Sunday, 17 May 2020

My Married Men And Others.

I would say that t least 95% of my clients are married men. I have no problem with this and would suggest that I specialise in married men or men who would say they are predominantly straight rather than gay or bi. Personally I find labels misleading and judgemental really and very limiting. Once you take on a label then so many expect you to immediately fit a list or expectations and rules. I am gay, in that I prefer having sex with men, but then I enjoy seeing single women and M/F couples. So does that make me BI? The truth for me is that humans are sexual and most men enjoy sex and do not especially care whom with. I often point out that before Christianity arrived with its moral structures, men regularly had sex with men, often slaves of course, and nothing was thought odd about it. I do not think much has changed other than societies prudishness.

So why so many of my clients married men? I suspect its because I am discreet, welcoming and have very comfortable accommodation in a very wealthy area of Newcastle. This is not boasting but simply saying that people can park safely, arrive and leave discreetly and enjoy themselves in a space especially designed to fulfil the task of giving a comfortable service. I also do not think I come across as gay, in that I am not camp nor a skinny feminine boy type, quite the opposite, I am quite a muscular, ordinary ( perhaps a bit arty ) guy next door sort of guy. I would add here that there is nothing wrong with being effeminate, indeed some of my clients whom I suspected to be gay on my first meeting with them ended up being the straightest and certainly less adventurous. Besides I have learned over the years that how one person sees themselves and how they are viewed by others can be very different. Was It Robbie burns who said something along the lines of “O wad Power the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us”?

I see lots of business guys and lots of daddy types, but really all kinds of people. I get a lot of gym bunny types who really enjoy a good massage and being wanked or sucked off at the end. I would say the majority of my appointments are not kinky, just straight massage with a happy ending. Most guys are shy when they arrive and its only on later appointments that they start to experiment a little, but sometimes not all. The whole point is to provide a relaxing and inviting atmosphere where people can enjoy themselves, be themselves and experiment when they are wanting to do so, if ever. 

If I had to answer a question on did I get types of men or did certain men in certain professions want specific things then, I suppose I would agree that the popular assumption of the top business guy wanting to do submissive role play does hold true. I would also say that those from a manual construction background tend to be the kinkiest, so yes I do especially love my plumbers and builders. The younger guys who are into the body beautiful tend to love their massage and happy ending. I suppose we all tend to fall into categories of some sort. I would hate to think what category I fall in to. No, I don't want to know, I can guess. Thanks.

Anyway, hope to see everyone soon for an appointment or you can call for a dirty chat when I can ,as you imagine, be really filthy. I charge £1 min ( min call £10 for 10 minutes) for dirty chat with various ways to pay. Call Chris on 07517 697 569

Water-Sports Or Pissing For Fun and Other Kinks.

Ok, everyone knows that my favourite kink is to be pissed on. Not everyone is into this deviant pleasure and if your not that is fine. I am more than happy to see all my sexy clients regardless of their interest in my personal kink or not. As long as you enjoy massage and enjoy having fun or receiving fun that is all that really matters. I am writing this post for those who do not know much about pissing for fun or how to prepare or what to do.


Easy really, either drink lots of water before an appointment. About three pints an hour before should insure that you are bursting for a piss and more importantly for those to be pissed on, that your piss is clear and not too salty. If its a long appointment you may want to drink more water during the appointment. I have known some foreign clients who take a tablet to help them pee, but that is up to the individual and medically speaking I cannot suggest this is a good thing or not. 

During the appointment.

Those who have visited my studio know that the main massage area is fully tiled, walls and floor, so that you can basically piss wherever you think is kinky to experiment, because its easy to disinfect and clean the area afterward. I also have a large wet room area which is the most obvious place, and a deep free standing bath, but it depends on how inventive you want to be. I enjoy being pissed on everywhere on my body, except my hair and head. I do not mind in the mouth ( but that is my prerogative) and love having my arsehole pissed on, the sensation is delicious. I am truly at your mercy so to speak.

Cleanliness and Hygiene.

Many people think being pissed on is unhygienic. The truth is that piss straight from the tap as it were is fine provided those being pissed on have no cuts etc on their skin and in the mouth provided those doing the pissing are healthy. Is there any health risks? Of course, every intimate sexual act carries a health risk, as does crossing the road. In over 17 years of providing adult services I have been lucky in never catching anything. Why? Perhaps luck, but also, despite the fact that I sound like a bit of a dirty pervert in these blog post, I am actually very careful about what I do with whom and I, after 17 years, know what to look for regarding clients who may have something unhealthy etc. I am also tested regularly, so my health is pretty good and I intend keeping it that way while having fun. So, don't be shy and try experimenting.


I am infamous for my rimming. I enjoy rimming a mans arse, seriously, after water-sports, its my next serious kink. There is nothing like a long deep rimming, running my tongue from your balls up to and around your arsehole is often enough to make you squirt, as many clients can verify.

Preparation for the client.

When a client arrives I always ask them to have a shower and to wash front and back. This means, not just your cock and balls but your arse and more importantly, your arsehole. You will only receive the full rimming experience if you are spotlessly clean. Some clients douche as well before they arrive, this is helpful if you are going to get fucked or fingered. Remember I am not into scat and I do not think many of my clients are either. So, its cleanliness all the way.


Preparation for the client, see above. I usually insert only a third of a finger and use a condom on my finger(s) if the client is really into fingering and likes to be deep fingered using one, two or more fingers. With plenty of lube this is a great way to reach orgasm either by being fingered while being wanked or sucked. For couples, try being fingered while fucking your partner. 
I personally adore being fingered by clients, though few do it correctly, but those who do it can make me have an internal orgasm, which is you have never had one is far more intense than a straight forward orgasm where you ejaculate. 
A good fingering (especially if you have a tight arsehole like me) is all about using plenty of lube and taking your time. Just jabbing your finger in is not good and can be painful. Time, patience and talking dirty helps.:}


Who does not like oral, getting their cock sucked? I love sucking cock and licking balls, but only if you are clean. I normally do oral without a condom because I cannot stand the taste of condoms, but if you are not clean then I reserve the right to use one. If you are sucking me, please do not use your teeth. Seriously, teeth and sensitive cock-ends, do not mix well and some guys, perhaps not used to sucking a guys cock can forget to cover their teeth with their lips when sucking. Just think and perhaps copy my example when I suck you. Just a little hint.

Caning and Spanking.

I do role play as discussed on a previous blog and offer spanking and caning. No preparation required really, just be clean and state exactly what you require. I do not mind being lightly spanked if you want to chastise me for being naughty. Just a suggestion.

Looking forward to seeing clients. Remember you can also call me for dirty chat at £1 a minute with carious ways to pay. Give me a call to book an appointment or organise a wank chat on 07517 697 569

Friday, 15 May 2020

How To Have A Great Appointment.

What makes for a good appointment? This is not just something I have been asked but something I have asked myself often. Certainly having a rapport with a client helps but it is not always the case that you get on with a client on a first meeting. So I have decided to write a little list of thoughts which clients may consider before making an appointment.
Regarding appointments, hopefully the present situation will return to normal soon. Already some businesses are open and cleaners are allowed to go back to work. Call for information etc. its easier. Perhaps you could be my naked cleaner :)

Time Keeping.

If you make an appointment and have to cancel, then that is not a problem. Making an appointment and not turning up is a problem and will no doubt see you banned. I go to a lot of trouble to make myself and my studio welcoming and to be let down is not just disappointing financially, it can mean me turning away a genuine appointment and it is just rude. So please do not do it.


Simple though it may sound but talking is so important. I am not a mind reader and if you have particular likes or dislikes, then please just tell me. Seriously there is nothing worse than thinking that you are doing the right thing and you are really getting into an appointment and suddenly, out of the blue, the client tells you, Oh, sorry but I don't like that, and this could be anything from being rimmed, fingered to simply just touching someones feet. I kid you not. An appointments natural flow can be spoilt and the mood destroyed by suddenly discovering that a client does not like what the majority of guys do like. So please, tell me. This also works for things which a client may have liked to have tried or done but felt too embarrassed to ask for and I felt was not right to suggest. How many times in the talk afterwards have I mentioned my love of being pissed on (or whatever) and a client had said, “Oh, I wish I had known, I have always wanted to try that”. Well, you just need to have mentioned it and I would have been more than delighted to have obliged.


Being clean for an appointment is essential. I am not into body odour and certainly not scat. I may love being pissed on, but I do not have anything to do with brown. If that is your thing then please look elsewhere. I shower before every appointment and clean myself with a douche so that if you rim or finger me I am clean. I expect the same from my clients. Thank you. 
I am rightly famous for my rimming, which I enjoy doing. Licking a mans arse is heavenly, but only if it is clean.
That said, I do have a client who likes to push chocolate into my arsehole and lick it out. Seriously divine sensation. I also do face sitting, which some of my clients adore. Obviously I will also fuck you, thats not a problem and I love being fingered and rimmed and having a cock rubbed against my arsehole. I am very tight however so most people cannot fuck me, but I still love feeling a cock hard against my hole and having my arse showered with spunk and if I'm lucky washed off with piss. This, honestly is another one of my favourite kinks, but that is as dirty as it gets regarding the rear.

Things I Do Not Do Or Especially Enjoy.

I will under no circumstance do underage scenarios but I am quite happy to do the gay daddy kink which is popular in porn.
I am not into cross dressing personally. If you like to wear women's knickers however then that is fine but not the full thing. Other people offer this service who enjoy it and I do not. Sorry, nothing personal, just everyone is different and have different kinks.
I do not do leather and have no fetish gear, so no leather or rubber. I do have a selection of toys however.
I do not particularly enjoy fisting and to be serious I have a very broad hand, so its unlikely you would be able to accommodate my fist anyway.
Shaving is a difficult one. I am not trained to do shaving nor insured, so I tend to say no. If you want me to do a basic shave totally at your own discretion then that is your choice.
I do NOT do anything involving blood/needles or extreme pain.

Kinks that I like.

I enjoy role play. My favourite is the headmaster/boss type.
I enjoy water-sports (being pissed on)
I enjoy rimming both giving and receiving.
I enjoy spanking and caning (giving) and do not mind a light spanking on me.
I enjoy giving massage to men and women to orgasm or just a good massage. I am a fully trained masseur.
I do see single women and happy to give an erotic massage using fingers and tongue if required. I do not promise penis penetration with a woman however. It all depends to be honest.
I enjoy seeing couples, gay and straight. I have seen a number of M/F couples. If a M/F couple I obviously prefer if the man is bi. I am happy to massage the female and pleasure her with fingers and tongue and offer the same to the man while he pleasures his female partner. Open to suggestions, but I do not promise penis penetration of the female. I am a gay masseur, but have no problem with straight sex and joining in provided the man is bi curious at the very least. I like kinky, so please do not be afraid to ask.


I am a trained masseur and I do offer a half hour massage for £30, but I am fully clothed ( you need not be) and it is not erotic. Extras are available of course. A full naked massage with everything included is £60 for half an hour. Other times/rates are on my website or call for details and an appointment.

Don't be shy. Give me a call to book an appointment and I can imagine during this lockdown my clients are desperate for a good rimming. Hmm... feeling horny now.

Friday, 1 May 2020

Missing My Randy Clients.

Dear readers and clients, I have been working on my next dirty book and have some dirty stories nearly ready to publish for you to buy for 99p on Kindle. More details to follow soon

Glad to see my previous book "My Dirty Memoirs" is still selling and, it seems, keeping every ones cock rock hard. Please remember not to wank too much however, but to keep some of that hot sperm for me. Seriously I am missing my clients so much, especially my really dirty ones. I am presently having so many vivid dirty dreams where I am rimming tight little arseholes or having gallons of hot piss raining down on me that I can't sleep without at least two wanks a night. I'm exhausting myself.... well, no, I just needing some cock :-) Honestly, when you are used to attending the needs of demanding cocks on a daily basis to then be denied even one cock for weeks is more than a hot blooded cock hungry masseur like myself can cope with.

I genuinely hope all my randy clients will visit soon to have their needs fully satisfied. In the meantime, if you cannot visit then please call me for a dirty wank £1 per minute (07517 697 569) with various ways to pay or just to let me know you are missing my services. I have heard from several clients just calling to see how I am coping and promising to visit. Thank you for those calls.

In the meantime I have cleaned the massage studio from top to bottom, done the garden, tidied the house and have become a true domestic goddess. Anything to stop me thinking about my randy clients and their hard cocks.

I hope that everyone is keeping well and keeping safe and I honestly hope to see clients as soon as they feel that they can visit for some discreet fun.

Christopher Harlot.... the presently frustrated Harlot.